Reaching out

Posted on January 9, 2015

Sometimes all I need is someone to talk to, or to spend time with to deal with depression.

The sad thing about reaching out and opening up my heart to other people is that I realize most people don’t care, and they pretend to care without realizing their true feelings: They don’t wanna be burdened by this part of me. The more I realize that, the more I’m hesitant to open my heart up for the next person who comes along.

Most people think I do what I do as a call for attention, and that I’m selfish thinking that it’s all about me. They don’t realize that this is a cry for help, and that I would give up everything to snap out of this. But at last, I can’t control how I feel no matter how hard I try. I just manage or deal with it in my own way.

Imagine being down or depressed. I suppose most people do feel that way from time to time, sometimes for multiple days in a row, whether it’s stress from work, relationships, etc.

Now imagine feeling 10x worse than that for every single day of your life. That’s the baseline for people with depression, at least for me.

Now there are things that I do to escape or temporary distract me from feeling this way but it’s never for long. Having people to talk to or spend time with makes living more bearable because I know that there are people out there who appreciate talking or spending time with me, so if I continue living, I can still impact their lives and make them happy, and it means a lot to me if I can make them feel an emotion I don’t get to experience often.

Telling someone with depression that you’re glad that you can spend time with them and ask them out to show that you want to spend time with them can go a long way in helping them deal with it.

For me, I guess I’m done with this. I am shattered. I have to go through this myself, picking up pieces of me one at a time, and here’s hoping that I can be whole again and better days are coming.