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Reaching out

Posted on January 9, 2015

Sometimes all I need is someone to talk to, or to spend time with to deal with depression.

The sad thing about reaching out and opening up my heart to other people is that I realize most people don’t care, and they pretend to care without realizing their true feelings: They don’t wanna be burdened by this part of me. The more I realize that, the more I’m hesitant to open my heart up for the next person who comes along.

Most people think I do what I do as a call for attention, and that I’m selfish thinking that it’s all about me. They don’t realize that this is a cry for help, and that I would give up everything to snap out of this. But at last, I can’t control how I feel no matter how hard I try. I just manage or deal with it in my own way.

Imagine being down or depressed. I suppose most people do feel that way from time to time, sometimes for multiple days in a row, whether it’s stress from work, relationships, etc.

Now imagine feeling 10x worse than that for every single day of your life. That’s the baseline for people with depression, at least for me.

Now there are things that I do to escape or temporary distract me from feeling this way but it’s never for long. Having people to talk to or spend time with makes living more bearable because I know that there are people out there who appreciate talking or spending time with me, so if I continue living, I can still impact their lives and make them happy, and it means a lot to me if I can make them feel an emotion I don’t get to experience often.

Telling someone with depression that you’re glad that you can spend time with them and ask them out to show that you want to spend time with them can go a long way in helping them deal with it.

For me, I guess I’m done with this. I am shattered. I have to go through this myself, picking up pieces of me one at a time, and here’s hoping that I can be whole again and better days are coming.

Nice poem I found that I can relate to

I can think of
a hundred ways to die
and a hundred ways to do it

But I can’t think of
a hundred ways to live
or a hundred ways to do it

So I lock myself away
for hundreds of hours
and hundreds of days

and try not to think at all

Sometimes I wonder if other people ever think ways to kill themselves and the most effective means of doing so.

AskReddit

AskReddit is one of my favorite subreddits.

Yesterday there was a thread titled: What event has fucked with your mind the most? and it really contains a lot of sad answers like:

When I was in high school I was over at a friend’s house and we were just hanging out. I went home and he committed suicide a couple of hours later. The thing about it was that he seemed completely normal and happy at the time.

 

When I was ten we went on our first school trip to a reservoir. One of the kids decided he wanted to swim despite warning signs and the teacher saying no. He vanished ten minutes later.

I’ll never forget how blue his body was when he was finally brought to shore.

 

Giving CPR to my father just minutes after his heart stopped. He was already gone.

 

Being locked up in a cell for something I didn’t do. People who’ve never had their rights taken Away or have faced aversion because of who they are have no idea

 

When I was 21, I met the love of my life. We fell in love and spent four absolutely wonderful years together, then her feelings faded and she broke up with me.

I am 100% sure that I will never meet anyone like her, and I would fight all of ISIS blindfolded armed with a tea spoon if it meant she would take me back. It’s been six years and my feelings for her haven’t diminished in the slightest.

I have loved other women since, but not to the degree that I love her.

I’ve gotten used to it, but it’s somewhat distracting.

 

Getting choked by an officer, arresting a random bystander, and watching them taze a close friend for nothing more than walking to our cars. Charged with public intoxication, and the irony, that I was 11 months clean and sober

 

You can read more at the thread here.

What’s yours?

Book Recommendation: Zero to One by Peter Thiel

I just finished Peter Thiel’s Zero to One.

Peter Thiel is widely considered to be the don of the Paypal Mafia, a group of ex-PayPal founders and employees who have since founded their own multi-million and multi-billion technological companies.

Other popular members include:

  • Elon Musk (SpaceX and Tesla)
  • Reid Hoffman (LinkedIn)
  • David O. Sacks (Yammer)
  • Steve Chen, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim (Youtube)
  • Jeremy Stoppelman and Russell Simons (Yelp)

He talks about how modern technology and most businesses are stagnating as most people are taught and conditioned throughout their whole lives to just repeat conventional truths and do what other people already know. Using conventional wisdom to improve existing products incrementally is moving from 1 to n.

Innovation however is to create something completely new — the process of moving from 0 to 1. Startups need to realize that in order to survive in the market, they need to build a product that is significantly better than existing options (at least 10x better), and the easiest way to do that is to create something totally new.

Startups that can do this will be able to monopolize their market and escape from competition. He argues that monopolies drive innovation and allow businesses to last long while competition actually destroys profits.

How does one create something innovative? The key here is to look for secrets in life, secrets about the natural world or people that other people don’t realize. Finding a secret is hard, but once you find it, you can create something valuable that no one else is current doing.

The book is filled with great business advice, anecdotes from his PayPal days, philosophy, intellectual insights, his view on the world and his vision for the future of humanity.

I work in a startup and his insights really enlightened me. My only complaint is that it’s too short. Excellent book.

Rating: 9/10

New Beginning

Hello world.
I bought this domain today and decided to start a new blog.

Why, you might ask?
I just felt like it.

It has been years since I last written a blog post so I don’t really have a plan for this blog.

For now I’ll just be posting my thoughts on random stuff and share interesting things I find on the internet or in real life.

Here’s to a new beginning.

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